I Heard You

Today I braved the Portland winter (wind, stinging cold rain, and gray skies) to go have lunch with a friend downtown. I drove my car down to the Lloyd Center and then took the MAX from there. I enjoyed my little jaunt out into the open world. For the past few days I have been holed up in the house looking for jobs over the 'net. I took this as an opportunity to make sure there was still a world and people outside of my house. I checked, it's still there...

Anyway, I had a nice lunch with my friend. Went to a Pita Pit and thoroughly enjoyed the whole pita. With a quick run up to her office, a hug, and a "see you tonight", I was back on the sidewalks, shrugging my shoulders to the wind that was trying to rip my scarf away from me. As I settled back onto the MAX for the return voyage, I pulled out "A Separate Peace", a book I read ages ago in high school (thank you Mr. Busching). I zoned for a bit and then replaced my bookmark as we pulled to the Lloyd stop.

This is where my story takes a sad turn. As I stepped off the MAX, a man holding a cardboard sign and seated on the low wall of the park caught my attention. He wore the same garb that is a very common sight in Portland: ragged, over-sized jacket with the hood pulled up, dark pants of un-notable texture, worn shoes, and scruffy face. I have seen many like him over the five years I have lived here, so it wasn't necessarily him that caught my attention, it was his sign. It read: "Will Take Verbal Abuse For $1". I practically stopped in my tracks. I couldn't believe this sign. I felt so sad and lonesome for this man. Had he received this kind of treatment before and now made some kind of ironic statement from it? Was he joking and making a point? I wanted to go and sit down next to him and tell him I would never abuse him like this, that he deserved far more than harsh words and unkind looks. I wanted him to know that abuse of any kind should never be reserved for anyone. I wanted to take him to get some coffee or warm food and ask him how he came to understand the world like this, a world where sharing anger and disgust would profit someone cash. It sickened me, it angered me, it tore me apart and made hot tears roll down my face.

The saddest part of my story is that I did none of this. I only walked away from him with my own thoughts, doing nothing, and sharing less. I was a coward...reeling off personal safety, lack of money and awkwardness as my excuses. The truth is that he walked with me more today than I did with him. He walked with me through my thoughts through the remaining afternoon and now tonight as I sit in my front room. I abused this man, though he might not have known it. I abused him and didn't even give him the dollar he was asking for.

I don't know this man's story. For ALL I know, he might not have been homeless, maybe one of the charlatans who prey off of people's generosity. He could have been just sitting there trying to make a point, trying to raise awareness to those who walked by. Maybe this is all a part of a nationwide movement. Who knows? If I am just a fool, willing to be sucked into a ploy, then so be it. But when I read those words it slapped me across the face. I don't know the real story behind all of it, but it made me think...

If it was real, I am sorry I didn't stop and talk. I apologize. If it's just a weird joke of some kind, point made, I heard you.