Inspiration

I'm not feeling totally inspired today. Either with this blog or with the status of my life at the moment. I list up all the things that I am not happy with at the moment and feel that moment of self pity with a twinge of loathing...I do not like where I am right now, nor pieces of the person I have allowed myself to become. The next moment I realize that my plight is not actually as bad as it seems, and I fight that internal battle of wanting to convince myself that I am a poor case of a subjected and abused life and the reality that I am a creation of my own will ("to some extent", I add). Don't forget to leave room for self doubt.

Instead of laboriously labeling all the problems in my life I try and think of what good is present. I have many blessings in my life, very significant blessings, and at the moment I am most blessed by the view out my window, and the quiet clicking of my keyboard. Let me describe this view. It's certainly not the best, I have a very clear and obnoxious view of the duplex next to my own and the asphalt driveway. But craning my neck to the left I can see the edge of the park down the street and a magnificent tree that is decked out in red leaves. I do not know the type of the tree, it's big, red and bushy with leaves, dark bark, pretty round at the top...that's about all I know. But looking straight in front out my window and I see the neighbor's "backyard". Really it's just a gravel walkway and a patch of earth about 15 square. But the maple tree at the far edge is my favorite. It still holds on to some of its green foliage, but most of the leaves have succumbed to the recent cold and turned bright red, gold and orange. It's the best blend of color. There's an old fiberglass boat that sits on the ground beneath it. The stern of the boat is filled with twigs and bits of everything that has floated by in the past few days. There are four pumpkins on the back step, tokens from the neighbor kids. Leaves on the ground, leaves floating through on the breeze, leaves being strewn by as cars buzz up and down 181st. I wonder what the trees back home by the river look like right now.

I know I have written two of the three blogs on fall now, but it's worthy of it. I suppose I did find a little inspiration in the day. Maybe it wasn't the most profound, but it made me happy.